Unusual Deaths – A Gruesome History
Was browsing around the other night and came across this nice little article with a list of unusual deaths. Now I’m not morbid and in no way, shape or form do I think death in general is funny but some of these did instigate a chortle or two. The list starts in the Antiquity period and moves all the way to current day:
Here are a few of my favourites.
620 BC: Draco, Athenian law-maker, was smothered to death by gifts of cloaks showered upon him by appreciative citizens at a theatre on Aegina.
That’s right he was showered with gifts of cloak until he died! Imagine his obituary, Draco much loved by all, Seriously everyone fucking loved this guy to death, SERIOUSLY. His death was silky smooth like the sheets and cloth which killed him.
564 BC: Arrichion of Phigalia, Greek pankratiast, caused his own death in order to win the Olympic finals. Held by his unidentified opponent in a stranglehold and unable to free himself, Arrichion’s trainer shouted “What a fine funeral if you do not submit at Olympia!” Arrichion then kicked his opponent with his right foot while casting his body to the left, causing his opponent so much pain that he made the sign of defeat to the umpires, while at the same time breaking Arrichion’s own neck as the other fighter was still strangleholding him. Since the opponent had conceded defeat, Arrichion was proclaimed victor posthumously
Ok this one is bad ass, Arrichion snapped his own neck to win the Olympic wrestling event. These days we have athletes shedding tears over torn hamstrings. This guys went beyond the threshold of life just to win.
212 BC Lucius Fabius Cilo, a Roman senator of the 2nd century, “…choked…by a single hair in a draught of milk”
Li Po (Li Bai), Chinese poet and courtier, supposedly tried to kiss the reflection of the Moon beside the boat in which he was travelling, fell overboard and drowned.
Starry night moon is blight, kiss my leflection. OH SHIT FUCK I CANT SWIM. I’m dead. Why the fuck would someone kiss there own reflection seliousry.
In the Dancing Plague of 1518 a woman (and eventually a league of 400 people) uncontrollably danced until they all died of stroke and exhaustion. The reason for this occurrence is still unclear.
Seriously? What on… wait maybe, just maybe?
1877: David Lunt, an early resident of Deadwood, South Dakota, was accidentally shot in the forehead during a Saloon fight between a man named Tom Smith and Town Marshal Con Stapleton, who was trying to disarm him. Even though the bullet passed through Lunt’s brain and left entry and exit wounds in his head, he remained conscious the whole time and suffered no pain. Lunt then resumed his life as usual until he suddenly felt a terrible headache and died 67 days after the incident. An autopsy found that Lunt had died due to the shot, but could not determine a reason for why he survived for such a long time
Woah, 67 days with a head shot wound and he felt nothing at all. Imagine being this guy, id have serious thoughts about being immortal until that sudden headache. “Hey man whats been happening?” “Oh you know just got shot in the head about a month ago, pretty strange experience didn’t feel shit” “Fuck you OK?” “never felt better” nek minnit DEAD.
1916: Grigori Rasputin, Russian mystic, was reportedly poisoned, shot in the head, shot three more times, bludgeoned, and then thrown into a frozen river after being castrated. When his body washed ashore, an autopsy showed the cause of death to be hypothermia; however, some now doubt the credibility of this account. Another account said that he was poisoned, shot, and stabbed, at which time he got up and ran off – and was later found to have drowned in a frozen river
No fucking words needed, here is a photo of Rasputin one of histories biggest hard to kill bad asses.
1923: Frank Hayes, a jockey at Belmont Park, New York, died of a heart attack during his first race. His mount finished first with his body still attached to the saddle, and he was only discovered to be dead when the horse’s owner went to congratulate him
You cant flog a dead horse, But a dead jockey is a sure winner!
1926: Phillip McClean, 16, from Queensland, Australia became the only person documented to have been killed by a cassowary. After encountering the bird on their family property near Mossman in April,McClean and his brother decided to kill it with clubs. When McClean struck the bird it knocked him down, then kicked him in the neck, opening a 1.25 cm (0.5 in) long cut in one of his main blood vessels. Though the boy managed to get back on his feet and run away, he collapsed a short while later and died from the hemorrhage
Note to self never fuck with any animal in Australia, even the fucking ants can kill you. look at how evil this bird looks.
1974: Basil Brown, a 48-year-old health food advocate from Croydon, drank himself to death with carrot juice
Let the carrot take hold of you, Feel it KILL YOU.
1991: Carl Hulsey, 77, of Cherokee County, Georgia, was butted to death by a pet goat he had been training to act as a “watchdog”
Wow that is some… wait for it. Baaaaad Luck.
2001: Gregory Biggs, a homeless American man in Fort Worth, Texas, was struck by a car being driven by drunk driver, Chante Jawan Mallard and became lodged in her windshield with severe but not immediately fatal injuries. Mallard drove home and left the car in her garage with Biggs still lodged in her car’s windshield. Biggs died of his injuries several hours later.
2010: Jimi Heselden, British owner of the Segway motorized scooter company, was killed when he accidentally drove off a cliff on a Segway at his estate at Thorp Arch near Boston Spa
I suppose this one isn’t to bad, good PR for the company.
2010: 20 crew and passengers died in a plane crash near Bandundu, in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, when a crocodile, being smuggled by one of the passengers in a sports bag, freed itself and panicked the passengers who all ran towards the flightdeck. The tiny Filair L-410 Turbolet unbalanced and crashed, despite the lack of any technical failure. One passenger and the crocodile survived.
This summer, Samuel L Jackson stars in, Crocs on a plane. THERE’S TO MANY FUCKING CROCS ON THIS MOTHER FUCKING PLANE.
Well, I think that’s enough for now, if you want to see the full list it can be found here. God I love humanity, it can be so random and perverted yet mildly interesting and funny at the same time.